As a child, I never had the thought of questioning a parents love. But as I grow up I question it everyday. Its hard when you are constantly being challenged to be something your not. I ask my self, am I not good enough? Why cant I just be....Me!? Now let me fill you in from the beginng. See I have two older brothers. One who has graduated but didnt really do anything with his degree. He has always seemed to get himself in trouble, or seems to always struggle more. Lets just say he never had the best of luck. My other brother has not yet graduated but he is on his way to a very successful career. He is attending one of the best Universities for engineering. He graduates sometime this spring. He has always had the best oppurtunities at hand. I can say he is pretty lucky. I understand that he has worked really hard for where he is at now, and I just hope I can reach that same potential just like he did. I guess I just need some encouragement and people who believe I can. Im tired of being compared to my older brother. Yes he didnt do great but he is managing on his own. I know I can do it, I know I can become something in life besides someone who just takes up space ( as my dad always tells me and everyone else who crosses our way). See what I want to study is Clinical Lab, now that is a hard field to achieve but I want to prove to my family, especially My DAD that I can do it.
Also, my dad hasnt always been someone to compliment me. His compliments are more like, "your a fatass", or "stop eating, it will do you good." Im not someone who is skinny but Im also not someone who is huge. Yes I agree, it would be nice to lose weight, but its hard to when you are constantly being criticized. Now let me remind you, this has been going on ever since I was 7 or maybe 8, and I am now almost 20 years old, and I still hear this man talk shit about the way I look. For a girl to be made fun of especially her wieght starting at a young age and for many years more, it creates a mentality that she is heavy, ugly, and will always be heavy and ugly. That mentality will not just erase itself with a snap. With time it will slowly grow smaller, but in my case it hasnt. I guess I always wondered is the reason my dad picks on me is because he doesnt care about me? I just dont understand. And its not so much physical abuse, its mental abuse. I have reached a point where I cant deal with it anymore.Father to daughter.....I only have one questioned?....Did you ever love me??
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